What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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