Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
