**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
is it fun? or sober?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
