i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
