I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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