i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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