last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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