life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
