Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
