NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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