And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
