I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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