The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
