Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
ok first of all what the fuck
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
