How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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