Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize