My hand turned me down
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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