Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
