if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
