Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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