you traded sex for a burrito?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
