I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
