I accidentally had phone sex last night
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
