The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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