I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
