I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
