Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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