Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
