4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
