There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
