Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
false alarm, still single
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
