That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
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Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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