I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
