8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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