i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
