Betty ford says i'm here all night
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Bring me that man meat
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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