You're my little dorito
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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