It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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