And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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