im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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