Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
