Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.