bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.