Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The best revenge is premature balding
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!