I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents