my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
