i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
