If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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