I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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