Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
