I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
