dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
