Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
