i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize