We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
