I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize