and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
