dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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