If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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