i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
