We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
