This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
