they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
