It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have fence marks all over my body
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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