I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
