Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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