Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
dude. I can hear the air.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
