GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
