drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
