there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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