so that wasnt chicken after all
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
