based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
