look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
